I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
