I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
