At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize