My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
