I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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