so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
