spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
