Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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