She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
