Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
