Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
