It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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