I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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