Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
