I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
