I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
