is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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