I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
