quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
what day is it and did you see me today?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i think i just lost a toe
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
