yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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