you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
