woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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