Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
