remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
