Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
