How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My penis needs a shock collar
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
