My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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