My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I love you. Go after that dick
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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