There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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