Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
