fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
