Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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