She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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