I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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