i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
