But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
