Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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