I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
