This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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