She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I am available for nakedness
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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