Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm getting married
To pizza
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
