NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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