When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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