How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
