I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
