I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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