she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
