Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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