just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize