I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
