If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
