Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
