I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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