I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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