You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
3 2 1 whiskey
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
