I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
