How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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