Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
