Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
