Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
