oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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