Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
