It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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