I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
