hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
