if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
