I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
