Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
