there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
