He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
