come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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